There are plenty of discipline styles applied nowadays but it can be categorized into 3 main ways: "Strict/Punishing", "Permissive/Pampering", and Positive Discipline.
Parents that are too strict and controlling tend to have many rules that are created without any discussions with their children. The parents create the rules and the children must abide by them, period. There is order (sometimes, until the child rebels) but the price is no freedom, or no choices. Children can feel threatened, have little opportunity to learn to make good choices and often become defiant/violent or too passive.
Parents that are permissive & pampering, tend to give their children too much freedom and no order. Children have unlimited choices and no boundaries. These children may grow up without learning important life skills (no effort, grew up receiving help all the time). Giving in to your children all the time may teach them to become tyrants, always getting what they want, without regard to others. Or, they'll easily give up because they never experienced "suffering".
Positive Discipline is based on the concept that children want to belong, to connect and to contribute. When you think about it, no one behaves well by being shamed, being hurt and made to feel guilty. There are better ways to help your children learn respect and responsibility. With the positive discipline approach, your children participate in making decisions that affect them based on limited choices that show respect for all involved. Rules and good behavior are encouraged and enforced with both firmness and kindness. Causes of the behavior are identified and addressed, therefore providing long term solutions.
Hopefully, more and more people learn about #PositiveDiscipline! The goal is not to become perfect parents or raise perfect children, but to be the kind of person you want your children to be, & treat them as you would like to be treated - with respect ♥️
Here are some of my favorite quotes that really motivated me to learn and apply Positive Discipline. I'm sure this will tug on your hearts and minds too.
By Author L.R. Knost
Discipline is helping a child solve a problem. Punishment is making a child suffer for having a problem. To raise problem solvers, focus on solutions not retribution.
One day your child will make a mistake or a bad choice and run to you instead of away from you and in that moment you will know the immense value of peaceful, positive, respectful parenting.
In your most challenging parenting moments, take a deep breath and try to remember that the moment your child is at their most challenging is the moment your child is struggling with the most challenges.
The simplest and most effective way to prevent resistance, defiance, and rebellion in our children is to treat them with the same kindness, courtesy, and respect that we naturally give to adults.
By Author Rebecca Eanes
Instead of asking “how do I deal with tantrums?” or “how do I deal with aggression?” or “how do I deal with this sleep problem?” ask “How to help this little person whom I love?” That’s the best starting point for knowing how to help your unique child.
So often, children are punished for being human. They are not allowed to have grumpy moods, bad days, disrespectful tones, or bad attitudes. Yet, we adults have them all the time. None of us are perfect. We must stop holding our children to a higher standard of perfection than we can attain ourselves.
I believe the worst turn we’ve taken in parenting is that we are always looking for a special trick instead of a special connection.
Children do not enter this world with bad intentions. The do not come to wear us out, test our patience, or push us over the edge. They come to us with a need for love, connection, and belonging.
Which one resonated with you the most?
I hope these simple quotes inspire you too as it has inspired me.
P.S. A lot of parents asked for a PD Session to be held in QC. Your wish is my command! Next one is on Feb 29, 2020 and the venue is just along Katipunan (hello to fellow Katipuneros and Katipuneras!)
Registration link http://bit.ly/PDWorksFeb2020.
Limited Slots only. These sessions are very interactive so I keep the number small.